Chapter Thirteen, Seeking Paddle. Location: Shit Creek

I watch the second pink line form.

You HAVE to be kidding me. I laugh. I cry. Now??!!

I hear another car alarm go off, the daily music of Los Angeles.

I am pregnant.

HOW could this have happened?! I mean, I guess I know, technically, but let’s back up a little.

At thirteen my mother had taken me in to the emergency room after the second day of watching me writhe in pain on the couch. I was diagnosed with endometriosis, and two surgeries ensued. Every doctor I had seen in the fourteen years after warned me that I would likely never conceive, and since endometriosis gets progressively worse, I had long written off the idea of cribs and strollers. I hadn’t considered birth control in the almost ten years I had been with DH. This wasn’t even a blip on my radar. And yet, here I was, thinking gee, it sure has been a while since Aunt Flo visited, having gotten a test just for kicks.

Seriously, God? You wait until NOW, the worst time possible, to finally have me able to conceive? Part of the mental process when we moved across the country was that we were doing things we couldn’t do if we could have kids, and now here I am staring at a positive test. Obviously, with our jobs having fallen through, and DH being in seminary full time, and living in Los Angeles away from any family or friends, the timing is laughably bad. (Wanna laugh harder? I became positive the only way I could have gotten pregnant was from a toilet seat until my son was born and looked just like DH. Because how in the world could this not work for almost ten years and all of a sudden BOOM ya pregnant?)

No job, no insurance, I go to the free clinic. They are very sweet, and I do get everything covered. Of course, now I’m interviewing for jobs, of course I don’t land one until I finally hide the fact that I’m pregnant under a bulky sweater. The manager looked a bit perturbed when I informed him only a week after being hired that I was quite pregnant, boy THAT was a forced smile if I ever saw one. They aren’t supposed to use pregnancy against you, but I definitely wasn’t getting hired when being up front about it, so… meanwhile DH is going to seminary and we are running the worship ministry at the Baptist church.

I go to the Pregnancy Information Center, and they are wonderful and give me lots of maternity clothes and other things I will need. When I thought I was infertile I used to volunteer there, now I’m the one with a crisis pregnancy.

On the other hand, I’m excited!! This is miraculous. Horrible timing, but I can feel this new life inside me, and it’s something I never thought I would experience. Of course, I have NO idea how I’m going to pull off taking care of a baby while trying to get DH through seminary, but I’m going to have a baby! I keep thinking of the Bible story about Sarah and Abraham being promised a son, and her questioning God, and finally giving up, until at last when she’s an old lady, yeah THAT’S when her test comes back positive. She’s gonna have stretch marks on her wrinkles. Ha, ha. Good one, God, got any others?

Well, DH is in this great seminary, right??

Yeah, about that…