Category Archives: Uncategorized

“Passed out.” “You’re kidding.” “No, seriously! Right in the middle of the first date. Stone drunk. I just left, no idea what they did with the bill!” “Maybe they taped it to his head.” We laugh. The sun is hot on my face as I bob on an inflatable pink flamingo. “Yeah, I would talkContinue reading “Chapter 98: War Stories”

I am from Slobovia.  Hair wild, makeup fossilized after sixteen hours, contacts like potato chips begging to escape the confines of my eyes.  I can’t wait to climb into bed, but I hear comfort food at the local bar calling my name, so I squeeze out one last tiny bit of energy to walk acrossContinue reading “Chapter 97: Magic Ribbon”

Smack.. Smack… smack My feet hit the pavement in time. Running again. Thinking too hard. About what I read that morning, about the implications. Trees and pavement blur, a wash of greens and greys bleed together as my eyes flood.  Is it really possible this was all my fault?  I remember two types of medicineContinue reading “Chapter 96: The Chapter You’ll Hate”

“Oh my GOD you know everyone!” I am attempting to point out to my dear friend there’s no way this is physically possible, but I choke on my words like they’re three day old egg salad as I come to the stunning realization that I did it.  The last five years in Big Suburb isContinue reading “Chapter 95: The Woman In The Field*”

 I DID IT!! I did it. I finally fucking did it.  I blocked the love of my life.  And exited the bedroom, and simply went back to watching giggly YouTube videos of  human ridiculousness with my offspring. It was a bittersweet combination of triumph and sadness. In the back of my mind lurks swirling thoughts…Continue reading “Chapter 94: Zombie Apocalypse”

Hey…how are you doing? Hi…who is this? Jackdude, hi! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!  He left me. Twice.  Abandoned like a two-day-old sandwich, pitched aside to melt in a puddle of separated mayonnaise and pickle juice.  His abrupt exit was a power outage in my life, black ink overtaking the brilliant light that was onceContinue reading “Chapter 93: Return of Jackdude”

I have to stay silent.    I crouch in the corner, tall walls of hedge surrounding me. This has to be a dream, who the hell can afford this much boxwood? Much less hire the help to sculpt it into a maze when you can barely find someone to install a deck correctly? This would explainContinue reading “Chapter 92: The Big Short”

I. Am.      FUCKED.  It’s really true that no one saw this coming. At least not peasants like me. I guess it’s possible some evil overlord orchestrated the whole thing, a madman in his sinister lair cackling at humanity, the world suffering unaware, blindly infected by his evil plan. MUAHAHA! Take that, little people!!Continue reading “Chapter 91: WTF”

“WHARR THUH SCHOOLBUS GOINN’ ??” She’s yelling.  Loud. Beautiful perfume-saturated, hairsprayed, spike-heel bearing creatures pile into my bright yellow Renegade, earlier this evening having been tipsily dubbed the Magic Schoolbus, and I start the car, ready to spring these wild banshees on the next hot spot. We are tearing up Big Suburb as only divorceesContinue reading “Chapter 90: The Magic Schoolbus”

I’m awful.  I did something bad. Kind of. Well, maybe…  I don’t know, you be the judge. It was a bit sneaky, though.  I have a plan.  I’ve been so busy with my Big Three, I’ve had little time for anything else, and by the time I’m back home at night, I mull over theContinue reading “Chapter 89: The Sting”