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It has been two months since the Christmas dinner in which Pastor Jock told me I have done everything he has asked. It won’t be enough. We struggle on, a crippled version of our former worship team and other ministries we lead, moving forward but now creeping along, an extra in a zombie flick, limbsContinue reading “Chapter 28: Guillotine”

I obey. I have no choice. The next several months sees me toeing the line to make sure Pastor Jock is pleased with me, and that I’m being a Good Woman, subservient to the Male role in the Church. It’s kind of like a little survival game, this is not my belief system but PastorContinue reading “Chapter 27: Letter from Prison”

What’s in a sentence? Combinations of 26 letters, peppered with symbols, spaced apart in clusters. Averaging about 15-20 of these clusters, separated by periods, commas, and the more exciting exclamation point or sexy curved question mark that seems to ask, whaddaya think big guy? Wanna give it a go? I suspect with my writing habits,Continue reading “Chapter 26: Death Sentence”

“I am submitting my resignation…” I feel numb. It is the annual church meeting, a stodgy yet necessary evil we universally hate. We have been working with Pastor Real for eight years. Laughter, tears, countless parties at his house laden with sublime food and red wine, brainstorms, award-winning floats, all the blood, sweat and tearsContinue reading “Chapter 25: The Beginning Of The End”

“WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!” I am bewildered. Let’s back up. Beep, beep, beep. Remember Pastor Jock, the good-looking and very charismatic youth pastor hired by Pastor Real? Everyone loves the tall, muscled out dude, complete with a spectacular pedigree, a T-shirt announcing “This Is What Cool Looks Like” and a wife who evaporated out ofContinue reading “Chapter 24: Mean Girls”

I’m helplessly staring out the window of a church lady’s car, tears streaming down my face. Again. I can’t keep doing this. She is driving me back from a worship seminar, preaching at me all of the things I am doing wrong when I lead, a firehose of unwanted demands. I feel like I’m three.Continue reading “Chapter 23: Can You See The Real Me?”

I am going to introduce you to a new villian in this saga. And the villian is me. Yes, I could diligently scrub the entire area with Clorox, the blood would still remain on my hands. I could pin this crime on someone else, and boy isn’t the church awful and look at me theContinue reading “Chapter 22: It’s Not You, It’s Me.”

I feel sick. There is a coleader who has been on the worship team for a few years, let’s call him Perfect Christian. PC came into the church with his wife and much of his family, with a solid music and ministry background, already having been in leadership at other churches, the exemplary person whoContinue reading “Chapter 21: When Sheep…Aren’t”

I am pulling into this cul-de-sac for a break in the middle of this book because we fielded an endless barrage of complaints on the worship team, and in a larger church leading a team of over 40, whelp. You know your brat relative who complains about everything? She goes to church, a place sheContinue reading “Chapter 19: Congratulations! You Are Today’s Biggest Whiner.”